I could see it bubbling up in him, but he was trying t stay calm and not get his hopes up. His dark eyes were huge, and I could see so much in them. The only response was stunned silence, and I finally turned to smile at him. "Okay,I'll tell Matt and Jared that they can go to Paris without us." That’s all I need.Īnd that is why I now understand addiction.” And he will smile at me when he comes through the door, and I will pretend like this fragile, dangerous thing we have created between us can last forever. He’ll be home soon, and I have dinner on the stove, and wine chilling in the fridge. What about today, you ask? Today it’s already too late.
Tomorrow I will quit lying to myself, and to him. Tomorrow I will stop delaying the inevitable. Is it not wiser to end it now, Sweets, before it gets to that point? Is it not better to accept that this happiness I have is destined to self-destruct? But if I do what I have to do, what my very nature compels me to do, and move on, the end is no better. Before long, I will be intolerable, and eventually, he’ll leave me. I’m becoming bitter and terribly resentful. It’s happening already, and I cannot stop it. If I stay here with him, I will become restless and angry. There’s no happy ending waiting for me like there was for you and Matt. I’ve been down this road before-you know I have-and there’s only heartache at the end. I need to get away from Phoenix-away from him-before this goes even one step further.Īnd then he touches me again, and my convictions disappear like smoke in the wind. It doesn’t matter where I go, as long as it’s not here. Every night, as I’m falling asleep in his bed, I tell myself that tomorrow I’ll book a flight to Paris, or Hawaii, or maybe New York. But as so often happens with me, my arrogance kept me from seeing the truth of the matter.Įvery day, I tell myself it will be the last. How could a man (or a woman) do something so self-destructive, knowing that they’re hurting not only themselves, but the people they love? It seemed that it would be so incredibly easy for them to just not take that next drink.
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